Thursday, May 25, 2006

The World's Snappiest Comebacks

As one who thinks of witty repartee just a few seconds too late, and then sometimes is afraid to use the ones I anticipate, I can respect this. I still regret one from Tuesday night, absolutely perfect response, a half second too late. ahh well. In homage to Senator Lloyd Bentsen, best known for his "You're no Jack Kennedy" line... the Post lists a couple of other great ones... a sampling...

Woman: If I was your wife, I would poison your coffee.
Winston Churchill: if I was your husband I would drink it.

ahh, the lost art of repartee- if you had but one line to say to someone, one line to seal everything up in a nice package. it's like hitting a walk off homer, or putting the golden goal in the back of the net- you win, and walk away leaving the respondant gasping for words like a goldfish on the kitchen floor. Course, it never works that way, you feel bad, or don't pull the trigger, or only come up with them when the stakes aren't at their highest. but that one time, the one line that will be remembered, by everyone lucky enough to hear it, that's simply brilliant.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Adios, Trojan

So I once wrote a detailed term paper on this little baby. And now, it is gone with the (several tons of high explosive)

"What the Hell is an Aluminum Falcon?'

I do love the YouTube.


So, I was thinking about pork the other day. It might have had something to do with the large pit slowly rotating on a spit ten feet behind me, but that seems somewhat unlikely, I think it's a coincidence. and I'm sure it has nothing to do with the Bloody Marys that Tonic serves, garnished with, you guessed it Bacon. mmm. bacon.

ok, back to meat. I happened to be reminded of this when I saw a story on Slate today about the only typical American Chartucerie. The Italians get proscuitto, the Spaniards jambon d'Iberico, the French get dried horsemeat, and what do we, the "Greatest Country in the World" (TM) get? Jerky.

You gots your beef jerky, your venison jerky, your mystery meat Slim-Jim jerky, it all seems so straightforward, doesn't it? You slice the meat, you dry the meat. And it's really, as Sarah Dickerman points out, the quintessential American food. It's very independant, you don't need anything else (save a nice cold beer) to accompany it, jerky is, well, lonely. You're out there on the range, riding shotgun on your herd, and you need a nice, portable, tasty snack. Eating it requires no skill or really attention, you just kinda chew. Preparing it doesn't require the skill level, or time, that proscuitto does. It's just kinda there, doing it's thing, waiting for you to do your thing. No advance planning is really required, one way or the other, got some unexptected surplus meat? make you some jerky for a rainy day. And then you start eating it. Jerky requires moderation, but invites excess. Another perfect metaphor. We like to think it's endless, and that we can handle everything, but eventually, when you try to process it, you pay. The American Experience: no planning, no long term though, pure indulgence, wicked hangover in the morning.

But it's not so simple, out of the controlled environs of the kitchen (Christopher McCandless sadly failed, for instance) (PETE, this is a warning: that link is provided so you don't have to wikipedia him, but don't let your boss walk by this time, huh?) Like so much else, it seems so simple, and yet the slightest mistake can be costly. How hard can it be? we aren't cutting up Fugu here, the slip of a knife shouldn't be fatal.- So I should practice, less I need it for survival after the coming rapture. Anyone know where I can find a fattened calf?

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

It's Amateur Night...

Via Senor Jackson, we find the Times covering a nice little drinking club called '12 darks'. They meet every Friday night at McSorley's Old Ale House. They have a streak of 147 straight nights. There are two reasons why this troubles me.

1: they take attendance and keep a spreadsheet. That's just wrong. there is no attendance at the Wednesday Night, it happens whether or not any particular person attends, even if no one attends, the tradition continues. Heck, we lost Washboard to the Nutmeg State and Carlson to the Windy City, and the tradition goes on apace. You can come once a year, or once a week, it don't matter none.

2: it's on a Friday. How depressing does your life have to be if you can meet every Friday late night for beers in the same place? This is confirmed by the fact that two of them want to stay anonymous. That's pathetic.

3: our bar is better.

4: no Robert F. Haines.

on the plus side, they do have a nice website, and they got covered in the Times. We have this blog, and can't get covered in the Toledo Lounge Newsletter.

Monday, May 22, 2006

Welcome Back

Well this Saturday (very early) morning saw my triumphant return to the air waves. All in all it was a good showing and felt great to be back in the saddle. Lamentably I am not joined by Phillipe, but I am glad to see his glorious return to profuse postings. Together this helps me think things are once again right in the world (or at least among the Wednesday Night version of it). I had grand visions of posting my set list and even doing a podcast. All these things may still be in development, but not this week. Unfortunately at 4 am the station office is not open which means no Xerox machine. No way was I hand copying my 2 page set list after doing the 2-5 am slot. As for a recording, the “Noise” dj did the show before mine (he was filling in)-think metal only more distortion, mixed up, and angrier. This is the guy who does not want anybody in the studio when he is doing his show. As a result instead of having say 15 minutes to queue up the top of my show, I had literally 10 seconds. Not a real problem, but enough to prevent getting a CD into the recorder before the intro and first song was done.

Once I miss the first few songs I really don’t see the point, the flow is gone. Ahh but lessons have been learned. Look forward to a real keeper this week and hopefully I’ll get to record it. Some highlights from last week included a song from Jason Spooner, PSAs for events that have already happened, the Transfer Station’s first request, and a splicing together of Elvin Bishop’s Fishing with Taj Mahal’s Fishing. Now folks that’s just good radio. So next time tune in and remember to phone those requests in to 860-429-WHUS.


For our 100th post...

a shout out to my old roommate Greer, who has passed the California Bar, and can now commence making rich people richer in San Diego (as well as Boston and New York).

And in her honor, let's watch some British Soldiers being dosed with LSD for research purposes:

Friday, May 19, 2006

Pat Roberts (R-Nebraska) is a COWARD

"I am a strong supporter of the First Amendment, the Fourth Amendment and civil liberties. But you have no civil liberties if you are dead,’ Roberts said."

Is that so, you spineless hack? Our civil liberties withstood the might of Imperal Japan, Nazi Germany, Soviet Russia, and a tearing apart of the very fabric of our nation, but a couple of guys hiding in a cave? that's too fucking much, I suppose.

When Kruschev used his shoe as a gavel, backed by a thousand nuclear ICBMs, we spat in his eye. But Ahmed Zarquari issues a press release, backed by a couple of AK-47s, and all of a sudden we're on our knees begging? what the hell is up with that?

Pat Roberts (Chickenshit - Nebraska)


As of 12:01 PM, EST today, there are 977 days left in the long global nightmare we call the Bush Administration.


Everyday, it's a'gettin closer,
going slower than a unionized toaster...


look at the guy's face when she misspeaks...

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Thirty sports things to do before turning 30

ok, so we're all (mostly) past the cut-off, so it's a historical list. mine in bold. yours?

30 Sports Things To Do Before You Turn 30
1. See the Kentucky Derby.
2. Catch a foul ball.
3. Hole a shot from the fairway.
4. Attend a NASCAR event - You just need to, trust me.
5. Attend a draft - Preferably the NBA or NFL (the other two major sports aren't nearly as entertaining, and if you attend the WNBA draft, don't tell anyone. Ever).
6. Hit the trifecta.
7. Win a title. In anything. It doesn't matter what.
8-10. Witness three championships in person. However you want to break that down.
11. Bowl above a 200 (in one game).
12. Compete in a triathlon. Marathons take way too much training, and 5K's are too easy. But entering one of the many mini-triathlons that take place over the course of a year is the perfect combination of achievement-without-having-to-completely-alter-your-lifestyle. A reasonably healthy person can, with some basic training, finish a quarter-mile swim, 10-mile bike ride, and 5k run without collapsing at the end like the guy in the Gatorade commercial.
13-15. Witness late game heroics. These are impossible to plan for, so you just have to see enough games to cover your bases here (no pun intended). Put a buzzer-beater in basketball, last-second FG or touchdown in football, and a walk-off home run at the top of your list. A sudden-death goal in hockey is also acceptable.
16. Other baseball abnormalities. Again, nothing you can prepare for, but catching a no-hitter, an unassisted triple play, or a player hitting for the cycle are all worthy feats to aspire to see with your own two eyes.
17. Beat Mike Tyson. Not literally, but in video game form.
18. Shoot par at Frisbee golf.
19. Win an NCAA Tournament pool.
20. Correctly predict the Final Four.
21. Win a fantasy league.
22. Win a Texas Hold 'Em Tournament.
23. Become the best of everyone you know at something.
24. Score a hat trick.
25. See one of the great rivalries in person. Eagles-Cowboys in the NFL, Montreal-Boston in the NHL, Cardinals-Cubs in baseball (trust me, it's more interesting than Yankees-Red Sox), or Duke-UNC in college hoops are some of your standard fare.
26. Gamble on sports in Vegas.
27. See a World Cup, or World Cup Qualifier.
28. Visit the various Halls of Fame. If you make it to the Baseball HOF in Cooperstown, NY, I recommend checking out the Broadcaster's Wing. Everyone inducted has a nice picture of themselves in coat and tie, looking professional, except for Harry Caray, who is pictured shirtless and in mid-yell. I kid you not.
29. Spend a weekend celebrating the holiday of college football.
30. See a fight. Take this to mean anything you want. Boxing is probably the easiest to plan for, but if your luck is good, try to catch a bench-clearing brawl in baseball or basketball. Hockey fights can be great too, but they happen too frequently to qualify here. Bonus points if the fight takes place in a rec league or (even better) charity softball game.

anyone else?

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

The Triumphant Return of Insomniac

Last night WHUS held their monthly staff meeting and announced the summer schedule. As is always the case with this kind of radio the night promised lots of intrigue. For the record Mr. Jackson of NYC fame was the major catalyst to name the show: Transfer Station. But Washboard will be getting back to his Insomniacs roots as the show will air late Friday Night (which is technically Saturday Morning) at 2 am Washboard will be spinning the Blues (and anything else I feel like) from 2-5 am. You can listen at Not only can you listen on-line, but you can IM the dj requests and strange comments (to avoid the need for a long distance call. So leave an extra 6 pack in the fridge and when the bars kick out the sierra club head to Dr.Pepe’s or Phillipe’s pad and end the night at the Transfer Station.

So listen and enjoy boys and girls and if we all stick with the blues and do our part, better times should lay ahead.


Monday, May 15, 2006

Best WIshes...

Greg over at Rogue Traveler's grandfather is having bypass surgery today - I think I speak for everyone when I wish him, and his family, all the best. If he's anything like Greg, he'll be at happy hour tomorrow night!

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Hide your Daughters...

Buck Fiddy is in the House!

Monday, May 01, 2006

Name My Show

Well folks I have been meticulously jumping through all the requisite hoops out in Eastern CT to be awarded a radio show on WHUS. Now, through no fault of my own, I have completed all the various stages in time for the summer schedule. So Washboard will be hosting another Blues show soon! Now here’s where you come in. Spending so much time on demos, labs, and tests can really take up a lot of one’s brain space. So I am taking suggestions right here on what to name my show. So leave a comment with your best idea or two for what to name the show.

I also want to hit up the files of Thank You Mr. T-Bone. Last night while I was at the station there was an announcement that the Jason Spooner Trio would be playing ‘round town soon. I did some research and yes it is the Jason Spooner that performed live on Thank you Mr. T-Bone. While I know how everyone feels about the burbs I encourage you to experience the odyssey of a living room concert in Rockville. Jason is playing in Rockville, MD on Friday May 12. Check out his website and go see him.